The central message of Time for Kindness has always been that kindness is all around us. It’s happening every day, mostly in small acts that often go unremarked.
But when we do notice those acts of kindness, it makes a huge difference to how we feel. Whether we are the giver, receiver or witness to kindness, research has proven that we get a boost of ‘happy hormones’ as a result of the positivity. And there have even been studies which indicate positive physical benefits from kindness, such as reduced blood pressure and improved immunity.
Visible kindness at work
My husband and I both experienced huge kindness from our colleagues recently, in response to a family emergency. All turned out OK in the end, but there were stressful days before we got to that point.
We received check-ins, emotional support and practical help from our colleagues too. That kindness made a huge difference to my stress levels. I’m sure it helped with my blood pressure too, although I didn’t have the time to stop and take a blood pressure reading!
My daughter had a dental issue which left her in a lot of pain. We were struggling to access the right support, with the NHS dental system not able to provide a solution for several days. By chance my husband works in the dental industry supply chain so we were incredibly privileged to be able to access private care to sort out the issue.
We’re both part of workplaces with genuinely kind and supportive cultures. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we both have kind bosses. My boss was really supportive of the changes I needed to make to my working days and my husband’s boss made some important phone calls to get help for us. Our colleagues checked in to see how we were doing emotionally.
Kindness in the system
This experience has left me pondering about the systems and environments that encourage (or discourage) kindness. And whether it is enough simply for individuals to want to be kind, if they are operating in a system that isn’t set up for it. (It’s important to note: I am a fan of our NHS in general, but the mostly wonderful people who work in it are dealing with a system that doesn’t always deliver the care we need when we are vulnerable and desperate.)
In a way, it’s not really surprising that I got short, blunt answers from a receptionist who was probably having to turn away a patient for the umpteenth time. Especially when that patient is in pain, desperate or frightened. I was probably not as kind in my communication as I could be either.
I don’t have the answers, but there must be a way to set the system up so that even when turning people away, the receptionist can choose to show compassion for the pain. To demonstrate that they at least recognise how disappointing this action will be.
What can we do about it?
We can’t solve everything. As I’ve said, I don’t have the answers for what kinder systems would look like. But what I do know is that there are things we can do as individuals to make things a bit better.
As humans, we learn through story-telling. So let’s explain more often the stories where there has been kindness and the difference that made to all involved. Most people don’t need to be told to be kind, they just need to be encouraged to talk about it more so that kindness becomes the norm. Not the negativity that we are bombarded with in the news. Movements like the global #KindnessCounts community that is building this week show that there’s a real appetite for systems that encourage shouting from the roof tops about kind acts.
And where we do have the power or position to do so, let’s look for ways to build systems that are genuinely about people first. Yes, financial times are difficult, but when we have organisations that are driven solely by profit, that does not seem to be conducive to kindness. Yet with an increasing body of evidence that shows kindness also improves business outcomes, why wouldn’t you put people first?
Whatever you choose to do, just start somewhere.
My challenge to you is to start by going out tomorrow with the intention of noticing one act of kindness and telling one other person about it. If you want to, you can get in touch with me afterwards to let me know how you got on.
(If you’d like to find out more about research studies that prove the power of kindness, take a look at my kindness research page ‘Why it matters’.)
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